Why Run?

The feeling is bittersweet. I sit here in Infusion Room 918 at Dana Farber, with my computer propped on my lap and feet up on a nurse’s stool, feeling all too comfortable in my surroundings. Like most Monday’s over the last 3 years, we are here – trying to subtlety battle this horrible disease alongside many others on a similar, and all too familiar, path. Greeting the faces of patients who walk by with a head nod acknowledging the fact that there is a commonality between us. Being welcomed by the rotation of nurses and staff with a polite smile even though they know we are here on business, not pleasure. Asking a volunteer strolling the hall with a cart of goodies for another egg salad sandwich and a Sports Illustrated to pass the time as the hanging liquid attached to Mom empties beside her.

I say bittersweet, because this sucks, no other way around it, but I continue to have, and hold, a strong feeling of support, faith and hope. One of my favorite quotes (painted in the Red WIngs locker room at the Joe) is "faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe." We have to believe in the future. Whether a patient, caregiver, DFCI staff member, friend or family member – we are in this together. Our thoughts moving a mile a minute and our minds being pulled in a variety of directions, wrapped around the powerful question, “what’s next?” 

We truly dread coming to this place, but is there anyone else we'd rather trust for treatment? We are strangely confident to simply hand over control of our outcomes to the experts at Dana Farber. We put our fate in their hands to lead us in this fight with a vision, however distant or challenging ... but a vision to believe there is a future of peace, comfort and health ahead.

So, here we are – Mom and I (again). She has just faded off with the magic of Benadryl clearly doing what it’s paid to do and in about 15 minutes, our favorite nurse will come back in and begin a new treatment – Taxol. As most of you know, chemotherapy is not new to us. It’s been nearly 3 years since Mom’s 2^nd diagnosis, but it’s now time for an adjustment. A strategic switch in our battleplan to attack the progressing cells and this is the next move. It’s a somewhat expected, but unwanted new plan and although more difficult, consuming, and taxing, we will continue to fight.

If you know us, then you know our story, and you know we will fight – Mom, sons, wives, grandkids, families, and our amazing support team of friends. It’s the hand we’ve been dealt and we do what we have to do. 

Ok, why am I writing all this? If anyone was at our wedding or saw the video, speaking about my Mom and conveying what she means to me is not easy, but it’s important for people to understand why I’m doing this. This woman has been through more in the last 10 years than anyone should have to go through during a lifetime – from tragedy to loss to illness. I don’t feel even slightly bad saying, it is not fair.

We received news last week that Mom’s cancer was progressing and it was time to switch it up. My Mom’s immediate concern – everyone else. How can she ask me to be here every week? How could she “force” her friends at home to help her? What will we do with the damn cat? J (love you, Rem) That’s who she is and always has been – even during the hardest battles in life. Everyone else comes first, but for me, for us, her team, she comes first and we fight for Barbara - the strongest person I know.

Perspective is a funny thing. Today should be a typical work day filled with the usual stress of constant emails to my phone, but right now, they don’t matter. We have a sick baby on the mend who spent the last week sleeping only 2-3 hour stints, but we wake up smiling with her. We have all the other life worries that come with this time of year – Xmas gifts, parties, dinners, fantasy football playoffs (the serious shit) – all the things that are great and needed, but not a priority. I feel like I’ve garnered a strong definition of perspective over the last 10 years and it’s made me a stronger person. It’s not that some things don’t matter or should not consume any of my time or energy, it’s just that some things, and people, are far more important. As I sit here right now, the priority is peacefully asleep across from me strapped to tubes coming out of a machine that makes me jump with every beep.

Ok, so really now, why am I writing this? First of all, because it’s my outlet. So, thanks for that. Second of all, because I’m looking for help – people to join our fight. We sit here today, as clinical trials are not an option. We need more options. We need more research, more dollars, and more chances to cure this disease.

What am I doing about that? I’m honored, proud and a bit petrified to announce that I’m going to be running the 2017 Boston Marathon as part of the Dana Farber Marathon team. I’m all in. 

You know what I am not? A runner. 

I don’t run from challenges or hard times. I don’t run from fear or anxiety. And I certainly don’t run for fun. 

That is changing. 

Well, the last part. 

Not exactly sure how we got to this point between a conversation over drinks (many a drinks) and a couple quick inquiry emails – but we’re here, and ready.

3 years ago, Dr. B told us, "although we may not be able to cure your cancer, we are going to do everything we can to treat it." Hearing these words was … yeah, not a fun moment. However, we found grace in that we were sitting in the office of the best doctor, at the best hospital in the world. He later went on to forcefully give us a timeframe of “2 years” and that was again, nearly 3 years ago. It is thanks to Dana Farber that I can even say that. It is thanks to Dana Farber that I can run with my Mom in the crowd.

On one of our recent trips, Mom and I counted that we’ve probably been to Dana nearly 100 times in the last 3 years. 100 Monday’s, parking on P5, going for labs on the 2^nd floor, waiting for scripts, and heading up the 9^th floor to meet with Dr. Bunnell or Dr. Bowers and/or to receive treatment. I say I’m here, but it’s not me getting poked and prodded. It’s not me fighting through bone pain or constant nausea. It’s my Mom and I want to do more.

Her disease is "incurable", but the treatment she has received from DFCI has ensured her, and all of us, a quality of life that cannot be matched. She can travel to California to walk Cam and Lex to school or laugh with the twins. She can take a family vacation to Italy and taste wine, eat pasta and walk through the Vatican. She can roll around on the floor with Riley and lift her up every time she greets Nana with a bigger hug and kiss than anyone else gets.

As for me running the marathon, I can safely say I have thought about it before - probably about 15 times in total to be precise. Once every year for the last 15 years. I think about it while cheering on runners and thinking of how amazing a feat it is. Then I wake up on Tuesday, maybe hit the gym for another solid chest and tri day, and it doesn’t cross my mind for 364 days straight. No chance I could run 26.2.

Well, there is chance and we’re going to put it to the test.

I sit here today as women and men, mom’s and dad’s, nana’s and papa’s, surround me going through exactly what we are. I ride the elevator with children without any hair covered with stickers and carrying toys, oblivious to the battle they are fighting. I watch everyone on their phones playing Sudoko or Candy Crush trying to distract their minds and delay more bad news.

I run for them. 

I run for all of Dana Farber as a way of saying thank you. Thank you for the opportunity and options the last 3 years have provided and thank you for giving us many more. When I think about taking a right on Hereford and a left on Boylston, I will be thinking of my Mom, of Julie/Polly/Walter, of the Wilders, of Brian Carey, the Mullaneys, Pat and Jess, and everyone else that is impacted by cancer, the marathon or anything else in life that requires inspiration, true dedication and a perseverance to fight.

We have to fight. It seems like we Marshes are always fighting, but we are still standing. I am honored to wear the DFCI colors on April 17th and be able to continue to say thank you for everything they have done for me and our family.

Please help me in that fight: http://www.runDFMC.org/2017/ryanmarsh

Marshy

#MarshyMarathon

#RunDFMC

Jimmy Fund Walk 2015

http://www.jimmyfundwalk.org/2015/ryanmarsh

Hi friends,

Do you all know what my favorite part of September is besides fantasy football and pumpkinhead? Well, it's here and it's the Jimmy Fund walk.

Yes, this email is going to be pretty long, probably not that funny, and asking you for money so if you are not interested in any of those things, I'll save you the time now :)

If you love all those things, here's our link:

http://www.jimmyfundwalk.org/2015/ryanmarsh

Unfortunately, Natalie and I have been unable to participate the last two years, but I'm very excited to jump back in with the Media Milers. Natalie and Riley will also be joining for as much of the walk as our cute little amazing 2-month old can crank out, but she's got those long legs so I like her chances at a couple miles at least.

The event happens in 28 days, September 27th, so I don't have a lot of time to do a lot of fundraising. Trust me, it's worth it to annoy you over the next three plus weeks via email, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for every dollar I can make.

As you know, this organization and this cause is very near and dear to our hearts and the hearts of many of you. We see the benefits week in and week out, right there in person. 

Sitting in the lobby of Dana Farber watching people battle this disease makes you realize a few things:

1) Every day is a blessing. Don't live every day, but every second to the fullest.

2) Tell the people you love that you love them more times than they can handle. 

3) Do whatever you can to help.

Well, this is what I try to do ... as a start. I'd ask you to skip the coffee or bring lunch this week for a $20 donation, but I know the hardest part may be taking the time out of your busy lives to read my email, click my link, insert your credit card information, and submit. Everyone hates extra clicks, but I'm asking you nicely. If you are able to help, I will be eternally grateful. Please?

Please give whatever you can. Oh the link? Yep, right here:

http://www.jimmyfundwalk.org/2015/ryanmarsh

There are so many causes that impact the lives of our families and friends and so many events that we involve ourselves with, but if you are looking to get yourself into one that has meaning and is fun, this is it. Every mile is sponsored by a survivor or current patient of the Jimmy Fund and seeing their faces on the mile markers is beyond words incredible and provides more motivation than you could ever need to simply walk. If you can't walk, start by donating and maybe you can join us next year.

If you've ever been involved in this event, or ran the Boston Marathon, then you know. If you have stood on the sidelines to watch either of the two, then you know. Especially now, this day, and this route, is legendary. Our team takes over/under bets on how many times we cry during the 26.2 miles as it is insanely emotional and fulfilling.

The walk follows the exact marathon route and the support along the way is just as amazing as race day from Dana Farber and the thousands of volunteers. They have tents with food and drinks, medical stations, massage/stretching areas, and a party at the end and just like on the third Monday of April, the participants head out to Hopkinton while it is still dark out to begin the trek.

Ok, that's my spiel ... for now, but you will be hearing from me again. 

Thank you for considering donating and I truly mean it when I say look forward to walking this year in support of each and every one of you that is battling like we are and in memory of those that have battled before us.

http://www.jimmyfundwalk.org/2015/ryanmarsh 

Love,

Marshy Family of 3

Dad Blog v1: Words of Wisdom

Ok, here we go. I'm not sure what is going to come of this, but as I sit here waiting for our daughter to be born I had the idea, so let's see what happens. As usual, and some of you may know/figure about me, whenever I need an outlet I "take to the pen" as they say... which essentially means just writing to write and in today's day and age is more often than not a keyboard at my desk or on my phone/iPad. Today I'm on my phone ... in bed ... which is very relevant to the pet peeve I want to chat about.

Before we do that, I've been thinking a lot about how best to create some sort of gift for my daughter that she can look back on in many years to gain a little glimpse in to her life, especially during the years she won't remember. Clearly there are going to be many pictures, an Instagram hashtag, Facebook montage, etc. but I want to share with her beyond that. What I'm thinking, feeling, doing. I still think ill write to her as often as possible privately and personally, but also think there are going to many moments worth sharing publicly - funny, cute, amazing, crazy, and frustrating. Thus, here we are.

I want to start with the frustrating. This, I guess, is more of a "hey think before you speak" PSA to try and help everyone out here that is a parent, going to be a parent, or is ever at any point in their lives talking to one of the prior. I am just going to write as always and feel it may come off angry, but I'm not angry, just trying to enlighten some people how NOT to be an idiot. :) 

I know for a fact many people can relate to this as it's been laughed about with a lot of head shaking over the last few months. I also know at some point in my life I may have made a comment like this ... maybe you have too. I just now know to not do it and ask you to do the same. What am I talking about? Let's dive in.

Of course, when expecting, you'll get the usual questions:

1) when are you due?

2) do you know if it's a boy or girl?

3) do you have a name? Followed by, are you sharing that name?

Standard. Fine. For us, it's:

1) 4 days ago

2) girl

3) yes and no

That legit happens in that exact sequence at least 3x/day, sometimes an hour. Now I have 0 problem with those questions. Really I don't. Seriously, I think they are genuine, curious and legit and I will answer them all day long. It's not those questions, it's the extra color comments that kill me ... and one in particular.

"Ya better sleep now because you'll never sleep again!"

or

"Hope you're getting some rest because life will never be the same!"

Like, are you serious? Do you honestly truly think that we do not know that? Is there a tiny shred of need to say something so blatantly obvious? Nope, no there isn't.

I don't know if it's other parents trying to digress their lack of sleep on others or it makes them feel better knowing that their suffering will be shared soon. Maybe it's single/non parents trying to brag about how they can sleep until noon on Sunday if they want. But either way, shut up! 

Sorry that's harsh, but I mean it. Please shut up.

Clearly, we are fully aware that infants, babies, and toddlers tend to wake up at all hours of the night. Clearly, we are fully aware that we will be less able to lie in bed (like right now) for as long as possible. That comes along with the whole idea of raising a human. Bottom line, we know! And if you say it to us or anyone else, we are only going to be annoyed by your very being (probably delete your FB comments on otherwise positive and cute pictures) and I'm going to leave SMH. Not angry.

We were at a party around the 4th and a good friend, father of two, caught us just after witnessing a similar conversation. He said it best as he came up mimicking shaking someone and said "don't you just love the positive opinions out of everyone? Don't you just want to tell them to shut the fuck up? I wanted to strangle every person that tried to scare me or enlighten me by attempting to take away from the greatest moment in my life. There's nothing like having your first and raising them every hour of the day - no matter what time it is. It's your baby! You made that! Just start telling people to bite it." And he walked away shaking his head.

So for the record, I understand I will be sleeping less, MUCH less in the coming days, months, years. I kinda signed up for that when deciding to recreate. I just don't need to be told about it like I didn't. The challenge is to really think about if a parent-to-be, whether 1 month pregnant or 10, is not aware of that fact they will be tired soon before shedding your eternal wisdom upon them.

Again, not angry, not even a little bit, just trying to make us all better people by following two tried and true parental pieces of advice:

1) Think before you speak.

2) If you don't have anything nice to say, bite it.

Father tip #1 and not even a father ... YET!

Happy Sunday,

Marshy

Chicken Parm

As most of you know, my favorite food in the world is chicken parm. Hands down. No question. Last meal on death row.

Put it on a plate or in between some sort of bread, it doesn't matter. Eat it at home or at a bar, doesn't matter. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, who cares. If my wife asks what I want for dinner, it's chicken parm. If it's on the menu, I'm going to order it.

Believe it or not, I'm sitting here enjoying one from Cafe Rustico as I blog this.

Well, due to this extreme passion for one particular food, many people often ask me "where is your favorite"? Sadly, I've never really had an answer. Thus, I have decided to start compiling images of each chicken parm sub that I eat and sharing them with you all. We will start with subs and then maybe move on to actual meals (with pasta, salad, whatever) - we'll see how it goes.

So, over the past year ... ok months ... ok maybe weeks ... I've taken two pictures of each chicken parm sub that I've eaten. Initially, I started to rate them on overall taste, quality of chicken, ease of eating, sauce, and lastly, how I felt afterwards (like can I work or do I sleep?), but I decided to leave that out for now.

The main reason being, I love chicken parm no matter where it's from or what it looks like, so I'll let you be the judge. Feel free to ask about questions along the way.

That being said, I definitely have some favorites (Mulligans, Shorty's NYC), as well as some that I'd never order again in a million years (Sal's Lunch, Sbarro).

When I created the blog, I figured I'd concentrate on Boston as that's where I work, live, and play; however, as I've been traveling a lot recently, found myself ordering chicken parms all over the world, so felt it was only right to include them.

Today, I've decided to publish all of the ones I have enjoyed to date (since this idea came to fruition), but there are many many more to come. I look forward to going back to all the places not yet included and giving them the respect they deserve -- for the world's greatest sandwich.

If you think there is one that I must have, I want to hear about it. If you have an opinion on any that I've posted, leave a comment.

Without further ado, here is Marshy's Chicken Parm Blog: http://bostonchickenparm.blogspot.com/

Disclaimer: if you are hungry, I guarantee you go out and eat a chicken parm after reading.

Happy Monday,
Marshy

My Godfather

This week we lost one of the best. A devoted husband to Carol of 55 years, a father of 3 great men, a grandfather of 6 incredible grandchildren, a man who dedicated his entire life to one construction company in order to support his family. He was the life of every party and lived in a house where there were many. He and Carol hosted every holiday, communion, graduation, and Chinese food Sunday, since I can remember. His house was where we gathered ... and where we will continue to gather ... for a special reason or for no reason at all. His door was always open and no matter what the day or time, we were coming in. 

Since my childhood, any time the Marshes and Wilders got together, it was at Kenny and Carols. Personally, and what I thanked him for every visit over the last few moths, it is where they took care of my mother on every trip since she's been diagnosed. If she wasn't with us, she was with them and that's where she wanted to be. Kenny, her uncle, was like her 2nd father, she'll always say, and he had this amazing ability to make her laugh no matter how bad she was feeling. He did that for everyone. Whether parked in his recliner at home, shirtless in a beach chair at Winnipesaukee, or meeting the staff at Sebasco to sneak golf cart rides during our wedding weekend, his words, often inappropriate and out of left field (that's why we love him), drew people in and there wasn't a single person who doesn't remember meeting Kenny. It was at his house in the blur of my father's death, where I found comfort. From allowing family to gather after the burial to just letting me sleep on a couch when I didn't know where else to go, they were there.

He was my godfather and although it may not have been through hugs and kisses, I felt his love every time we spoke - which thankfully was a lot these past few years. He made me laugh every time I saw him and could talk about anything, and would do anything for anyone that was lucky enough to be a part of his inner circle. He had his hilarious Christmas gifts for the family which didn't change year in and year out no matter what age. That was him - consistent and solid. You knew what you were getting from Kenny and you knew it was all out of love. He showed love to me by dropping off a used recliner to my dorm room each year (which my roommates still talk about) and through offering me a beer every time I walked through his door  (no matter what time and I could never say no). It won't be the same walking in to "hey Ry, want a beer?" ... often even before "hello". I'll never forget the last beer I had with him a few weeks ago, at 9am, after having shared our news. Struggling to speak, he had Kourtnie get me a Bud Light and he an O'Douls to cheers one last time from his recliner and the words "you hit a homerun, Ry." :) 

It's hard to put in to words what he meant to me and to the rest of our family, but I think yesterday said it all. As the line flowed continuously out the door at his wake with friends and family from near and far; as his 6 incredible grandchildren shared their memories of their "biggest fan"; as his 3 sons stood strong with their wives talking of their father with stories of unforgettable devotion; as my mom spoke of the good times with he and her parents as we drove through Framingham; as my wife remembered one of her favorite parts of our wedding being dancing in his arms; and as his wife, stood in single degree temperatures, surrounded by family, with her hand glued to his casket sending him off to a better place. 

We will all miss you, Kenny. It won't be the same walking into the house on Craig Rd every holiday without your commentary and cheer. It won't be the same without your voicemails about skunks in the rubbish to invitations to the club. It won't be the same hearing you speak so highly of your last meal and specifically, our wedding. It won't be the same, but your memory will live strong in all of us and we will never forget a single day we spent with you. The easiest part about that is having countless "Kenny stories" that we can share in the company of everyone you loved and held dear.

After one of our latest visits, Natalie left saying "if you're ever feeling down or are having a bad day, go to kenny and carols, because you will leave there feeling great."

Rest in peace, good man. There are plenty of people up there waiting to hear your stories and I know you will find a recliner to sit in.

Love you, Godfather and thank you for being you.

Cat or dog person?

Still consider myself a dog guy, but it's close. Don't understand why people hate cats so much and why it has to be a big debate. As you all know, my moms cat, Remy, is the man. That being said he's basically a dog / human. Sure they don't do as much as dogs, can't walk them around or go on cat dates, but they still are awesome animals.

Anyway, saw this on the news this am. Cat goes all Anne Hathaway on this dog to save little Bruce Wayne. 

http://goo.gl/ZV2TFE

Hacks with Haggs has lost his mind

What the hell is this guy talking about? I mean how do you explain some of these words besides I was hammered in Montreal and wrote this piece from my phone while in the champagne room of Downtown on St Catherine St. Is that how reporting works? Just write a bunch of nonsense and hope the editors pick up on it before it's posted? Whoever was supposed to edit this must have been sitting right next to him snorting the same stuff. Just as much blame on the guy that said "Yep. This looks good. Publish it." Crazy.

http://boston.cbslocal.com/2014/05/07/toucher-rich-joe-haggerty-calls-in-and-explains-his-weird-column/